One of my roles is a teacher. I teach our son; we homeschool. It is very difficult to separate-and I am not sure it is possible to separate my role of mom vs. teacher. Sometimes I reflect on my life, my joys and hurts. I think about how I felt when I was the age that my son is now. I think about whom I am now, who my husband is now. I think about all the people we come into contact with: work, friends, etc. I realize that over the past ## years we have come into contact with hundreds, if not, thousands of people. I can only hope that I made positive impacts in others’ lives. This brings me back to my son. The impact I and my husband can have in his life and the potential ripple effects from that impact. Whenever I think on this, which I do often, I am reminded to continue to grow in my own walk with the Lord and to always choose to heal and have hope. I can only pray that my impact is positive and that he will as well.
I feel the enormity of the potential future impact and the magnitude of my ability to influence that future.
Now I am not saying that I have to be perfect or that I would even try to be, but that in my imperfections I hope to show our son healthy ways to deal with those moments.
So this week I had an opportunity to practice growing. My husband and I have a few topics that we have always seen/viewed differently and are often recurring topics of tension for us. (Side note-Family Life Today-the Rainey’s have talked about this very thing. The Rainey’s shared that it is okay that you haven’t ‘resolved’ or ‘converted’ the other spouse to your view, that during those recurring topics-over time, you both learn more about each other and develop deeper understanding for each other…and maybe even over time those topics may become less contentious but that it is ok to accept that this is part of the journey we are on as life partners.) My personality is such that it is hard for me to ‘let go’ of topics unless I think there is some sort of resolution. I have been learning to ‘let go’ of this view. To trust that a marriage is not doomed to fail if you have differing opinions (obviously I am not talking about ‘deal breakers’). So I was presented with that opportunity to grow through the moment. To hear another perspective, to take the time to pray and ask that God would continue to reveal to me if there is room for me to change there, AND to help me do it, since I don’t know how to. Now I wait, trust and prepare my mind for the next occasion when I could be drawn into a path of thinking that may not be healthy and STOP myself. Plan in advance what positive thought I can replace the unhealthy thought with.
I know that this might seem kind of minor, but I am constantly reminded that we can control our thoughts and reactions. We can decide if we are going to stay in the emotion and for how long. When I remember this, I am far happier.
Topics for Future Postings:
I know it can appear self-serving, I mean we all think that we should write a book, right? And truth is that we all have special lives and God is working in all of our lives. But not everyone feels called to share it. In my case, it is sensitive, and most don’t ever share about the type of experiences that I went through. Most don’t want to hear about it. I feel strongly that it needs to be talked about for the protection of our children, boys and girls!
(Obviously, since this is a public forum I will still be web appropriate. :-) )
I wanted to share this, because over the years when I have shared with someone one on one or in a small group, I sensed that someone would be uncomfortable. Now this could be just because they were a private person, it could be because they knew someone who had similar experiences, it could be because they themselves had similar experiences and have never talked about it….or they did talk about it and were shut down/hurt by the response. I recently also realized that it could be for another reason…They don’t know how to respond. They don’t know what I –as the person sharing expected of them.
So I will put it out there…people all have different expectations of responses. Some want sympathy, some want hugs, some want people to get angry for them. In my case, I am past all of those phases; I want others to see hope and light and the beauty and grace and love of God. I want them to see that through all situations we can turn to God and He will carry us. So in a weird way, I don’t feel like it is about me, but about sharing what God did and what He can continue to do in others’ lives. I hope that by my sharing others will feel free to share, that others will feel/decide to talk to their sons and daughters, that if a person is hurting that they will get help and turn to God for the same Hope that I had.
Much love and blessings,