This is the anniversary of one of our wedding celebration dates. I say that because we have three that we acknowledge and today is one of them and it is Palm Sunday. It is sentimental to me. I have been struggling with some things in my life lately. Some issues are health and some are personal.
For many of us who have been in a relationship for more than a few years and I would say more than 10 years could probably agree that you have different phases and seasons in your relationships. In many ways I feel like I am in a season of individual refinement as well as refinement in my relationship, in our relationship roles, how we view each other; how we want to continue growing together.
I am reading a book that was recommended to me by my pastor’s wife, Hold Me Tightly by Dr. Sue Johnson. I am starting to see patterns in me and in my relationships that I need to change-and want to change. Sometimes it is extremely easy to go on “Auto Pilot” in our relationships, especially if you have demanding careers, kids, and lots of change. In my case we have had a lot of major life changes in our relationship and so it can be easy to focus on the most pressing and to just rely on, “We love each other, it will be fine.” I have been reminded during this time of refinement that status quo is not always healthy in relationships. As couples we need to always be growing together and growing as individuals.
This is not always easy. Careers and other responsibilities make it easy to deal with everything else but our most important part of our life. Our relationship with our spouses and most loved ones. It is very easy for either person in the relationship to shy away from the hard topics. Some withdraw, some attack, some run to others to cope, some run to activities-fill up their time/life, etc.
Whatever coping strategy one uses, if it is not to actually confront the situation, the emotion, the feeling in a positive manner: then we are putting barriers up between our loved ones and only hurting the relationship.
It may be tough to deal with your particular issues, they may be painful, may be hurtful, etc., but if not dealt with they will only fester and become bigger and worse later.
I think sometimes many of us don’t want to confront issues in our lives because it can be scary and we feel insecure. It is risky. If I put myself out there, will I be heard? Will I be hurt? Can I trust this person to hear me? It is easy to forget that the other person is most likely feeling the same way! What if they don’t respond and we don’t resolve it? Will we be over? Will we be on a path to the end? Or will we be on a path to healing and lifelong future? So many people are so scared that they won’t face it.
It is a lie to believe that if we don’t face it….that it doesn't exist and therefore we are fine.
I am reminded of the phrase: To risk nothing is to risk everything.
During this season of my life I have been reminded that the Lord is 'my everything' and the only person that can meet my needs and wants in life, no one else. I am reminded that I need to draw closer to the Lord for peace, comfort, security, worth and value. I am reminded that in all things I can only work on me. Change me. Can’t change my family. Can’t change my friends, etc.
My husband and I always say, “Our problems are ‘our’ problems. Even if someone divorces-they take their problems with them to the new relationship.”
So I share to encourage others to be willing to ‘risk’ in order to ‘gain’. As “trite” as this might sound I believe family and marriage are the ultimate testimony as a Christian. I believe that ‘Satan’s’ number one enemy is the institution of family. The ramifications of divorce in families are far reaching in our society-into the “fabric” of our society.
Relationships take work. We have to be willing to invest time into them. So I encourage anyone else who is in a season of refinement in their lives to dig in, face it, and look the wave in the eye and say, “I got you”. Be willing to ask yourself, “What can I do different?” Look inside yourself; be willing to face the ugly, messy truth about yourself. It might be scary. There are lots of things I am seeing in myself and they are disappointing and humbling. But through this there will be growth.
Philippians 1:6:
And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.
Many Blessings,
Shannon
For many of us who have been in a relationship for more than a few years and I would say more than 10 years could probably agree that you have different phases and seasons in your relationships. In many ways I feel like I am in a season of individual refinement as well as refinement in my relationship, in our relationship roles, how we view each other; how we want to continue growing together.
I am reading a book that was recommended to me by my pastor’s wife, Hold Me Tightly by Dr. Sue Johnson. I am starting to see patterns in me and in my relationships that I need to change-and want to change. Sometimes it is extremely easy to go on “Auto Pilot” in our relationships, especially if you have demanding careers, kids, and lots of change. In my case we have had a lot of major life changes in our relationship and so it can be easy to focus on the most pressing and to just rely on, “We love each other, it will be fine.” I have been reminded during this time of refinement that status quo is not always healthy in relationships. As couples we need to always be growing together and growing as individuals.
This is not always easy. Careers and other responsibilities make it easy to deal with everything else but our most important part of our life. Our relationship with our spouses and most loved ones. It is very easy for either person in the relationship to shy away from the hard topics. Some withdraw, some attack, some run to others to cope, some run to activities-fill up their time/life, etc.
Whatever coping strategy one uses, if it is not to actually confront the situation, the emotion, the feeling in a positive manner: then we are putting barriers up between our loved ones and only hurting the relationship.
It may be tough to deal with your particular issues, they may be painful, may be hurtful, etc., but if not dealt with they will only fester and become bigger and worse later.
I think sometimes many of us don’t want to confront issues in our lives because it can be scary and we feel insecure. It is risky. If I put myself out there, will I be heard? Will I be hurt? Can I trust this person to hear me? It is easy to forget that the other person is most likely feeling the same way! What if they don’t respond and we don’t resolve it? Will we be over? Will we be on a path to the end? Or will we be on a path to healing and lifelong future? So many people are so scared that they won’t face it.
It is a lie to believe that if we don’t face it….that it doesn't exist and therefore we are fine.
I am reminded of the phrase: To risk nothing is to risk everything.
During this season of my life I have been reminded that the Lord is 'my everything' and the only person that can meet my needs and wants in life, no one else. I am reminded that I need to draw closer to the Lord for peace, comfort, security, worth and value. I am reminded that in all things I can only work on me. Change me. Can’t change my family. Can’t change my friends, etc.
My husband and I always say, “Our problems are ‘our’ problems. Even if someone divorces-they take their problems with them to the new relationship.”
So I share to encourage others to be willing to ‘risk’ in order to ‘gain’. As “trite” as this might sound I believe family and marriage are the ultimate testimony as a Christian. I believe that ‘Satan’s’ number one enemy is the institution of family. The ramifications of divorce in families are far reaching in our society-into the “fabric” of our society.
Relationships take work. We have to be willing to invest time into them. So I encourage anyone else who is in a season of refinement in their lives to dig in, face it, and look the wave in the eye and say, “I got you”. Be willing to ask yourself, “What can I do different?” Look inside yourself; be willing to face the ugly, messy truth about yourself. It might be scary. There are lots of things I am seeing in myself and they are disappointing and humbling. But through this there will be growth.
Philippians 1:6:
And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.
Many Blessings,
Shannon
